i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just pynch a tree in the face
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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