Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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