It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
