I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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