Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
