it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
