You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
