Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
