i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
