sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
