two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
