I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
