tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
