i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
