I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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