my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
