Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's shark week go big or go home
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
