She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
bring money and cleavage
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Pants are for mortals
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
