It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
