Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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