I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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