Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
