Please, let me fuck your mom
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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