I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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