My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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