Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Fuck appropriateness.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
