I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Are we still banned from the library?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
