ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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