no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
