Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
