dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
