Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
