1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
