sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
