Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Is Oprah even human
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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