my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She announced her abortion via fbk
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
