My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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