getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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