nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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