OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Quick, to the slutcave!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
