Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
