I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
