I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
