what day is it and did you see me today?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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