The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
