the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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