I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
