I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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