do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
