There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
