Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
