so let's talk penis.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
