wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
