Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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