Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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